Episode 8 – “Mistery Date”
Air Date: November 14th, 2012
written by: Scott Ottersen
Eh, not my favorite episode for Modern Family. Sometimes, I feel as if a TV show should edit the episodes, watch it back, and decide to scrap the episode completely. I almost think that it would be better for a show’s legacy to have 10-15 great episodes within a season, rather than 8-10 great episodes, 5-7 good episodes, and 7-9 average (or less) episodes. I think that cable series have the right idea with having seasons only be 11-13 episodes long, because it’s just a lot easier to cram greatness into a shorter scope than it is to try and extend it when it’s not really there. I know that it would be unheard of for network television shows to do such a thing, and that it would probably bring about a mutiny with so many reruns or whatever they chose to air, but I think we’d get used to the idea that every episode we did see was an excellent one, and not one that barely made us laugh.
With that said, I still have a job to do and I will adhere to it.
The episode begins with us learning that Phil has two whole days to himself, at home, alone. Although, I want to point out that they made no mention of where Haley was for these two days, or I guess they must have aired these episodes out of order again, seeing as how she’s supposed to be home from college, with no job, and she wasn’t on the trip with Claire, Alex, and Luke. But, that is just me nitpicking. The main issue we’re glancing over is that, as a married man, I understand exactly what Phil is feeling at this moment in time. I can’t even imagine what trouble I’d get myself into if I had the house to myself for two whole days, and nights. I guarantee I’d probably gain about 15 pounds of soda weight. My wife would come home and probably ask for a divorce, seeing as how I’d probably be bucky naked, passed out on the family room floor, with 86 soda cans laying around me. Some women might ask, “Well, why don’t you just act like the way you want when your wife and child are around.” Sure lady, that’s what all wives want. If all men acted the way they truly wanted, there wouldn’t be a man in this world with the “Married” status on his tax return.
“Jewish people are so awesome.” I am sure I mentioned it before, but just something about the very mention of Jewish people and I’m laughing. I’m easy that way. Claire, secretly, wants Alex to lose the Academic bowl, so that she can go down the waterslide this year. Last year, she didn’t have the chance to, because she was stuck at the dork-a-thon, listening to her daughter win the entire competition. It was with this statement (that she wanted Alex to lose so she can go down the waterslide) that she realized – “I’m Phil.”
If it isn’t Ferris Bueller himself. He must have had the day off, or something. He and Phil are having a conversation about the game of squash they just played, and Phil invites him over after he realizes they went to the same college. After Phil leaves, Dave calls a friend of his to tell him that he just met the cutest guy and that he asked him back to his place. We find out that he called Cam, and that Cam is the one who sent him to that gym, because it’s “Hookup Central.” Phil would work out at a famously gay gym. Only Phil, right? I want to point out, here, that in college, my senior year, I lived in the Boystown area of Chicago, and right next to my apartment building (well, around the corner) was a gym. A famously gay gym. Seriously, they had a sign on the front door that said “Only Entrance Is In The Rear.” I’m not kidding here, either. I wish I was. Anyway, I had to walk by this gym every time I went grocery shopping. I will just say that it should be completely obvious to any man that a gym is overwhelmingly gay. That is all I will say. And, I am not homophobic at all, I have nothing against gay people, just making an observation for Phil’s sake.
Then, we have a bunch of scenes where I don’t think I even chuckled. Manny and Luke breaking into a bar mitzvah. And Jay and Mitchell shopping for cribs, and Mitchell knowing that Jay is going through something, and even running into a doctor with a sweater vest on.
Nothing like some Phil action to get me back in the mood. “I am long overdue for a boys’ night.” And, “as long as I clean up afterwards, she’s (Claire) fine.” I’m not so sure she’s going to be fine with THAT kind of clean up. I wonder what it would be like if a wife found out her husband had sex with a man. Would they still consider it the same kind of cheating as if it was a woman? Would it be harder to forgive? Interesting thoughts here. I’d love to hear some female perspective on this. Feel free to email those to me. Or just leave them in the comments. And, I will admit that I did let out a good chuckle with the mood lighting and fire starting.
“I like it too much when you win.” As a father of only one child, I can only imagine that if I had three, and one sent me texts of her fingernails, and the other asked me if he was part owl, I’d take great pride in my third child being intelligent enough to brag about to my friends. I look forward to my daughter growing up and doing things that I can be proud of her for doing. Surely, I hope it’s not something as boring as Academic Bowl’s, but if it is, I will still be proud of her. I’ll just let her know that I’ll be leaving the Bowl early so my ass can get down that waterslide before we leave…
“Makes it easier to give up the room.” Hell yes it would. That painting was atrocious! I would have that painted over the second they left my house. Even if it was just a big red “X” going through it, I’d be much happier with that than the “artwork” they had on their wall. Stick to the registry when you’re buying people gifts. Even if it’s family. Hell, ESPECIALLY if it’s family. I gave up what was going to be my sports room so that my daughter could have a play room in our house. Sure, it made more sense for her to have a play room, but I can understand where Jay is coming from here. Although, had my wife painted some ridiculous mural on the wall, of kids playing or a child reading a book, it would have been much easier to give up…
“I guess this is something we’re doing.” Nothing like two men sipping on margaritas in a dimly lit room, watching college football together. Screams homosexual. Screams it even more when you spill those margaritas on yourselves so that you can both take your shirts off and then head up to the bedroom for some “halftime festivities.” But, Dave has a change of heart and leaves Phil’s, telling him that he’s just gotten out of a long term relationship and isn’t ready to just roll in the hay with another gay at the moment, so he leaves him with a nice kiss on the lips for his troubles. And, Phil’s “Ohhhhh” was classic Phil.
Like I said, nothing really to go on here. Kind of a piss poor effort.
MVP of the Episode
I don’t think I can pick one here. Just not a good enough effort by any of the cast members to say anyone stood out over anyone else.
Line of the Night
“Nothing. My car keys.” – Dave
This was one of those subtle lines that you may have missed, or may have misunderstood, but I got it about three seconds after he said it and started cracking up. Good one. I would mistake car keys for a penis any day!
tvonthedaily episode rating
C+
Just not funny at all, really. I think I laughed out loud once, chuckled another time or two, and then just sat there and watched the rest as if it was Last Man Standing, and I’m just watching it because I started watching and wanted to see how it ended. Let’s just hope this episode was an outlier by the time the season is over, and not the norm.
Nielsen Ratings
Ratings are released after 11am est, so check back after then for an update.
**Ratings are in, and they’re down. Down to 11.9 Million total viewers, losing out to Criminal Minds in that category. It was down in 18-49 ratings, as well, but still won that category with ease over every other TV show on Wednesday night.
————————————————————————
Episode 7 – “Arrested”
Air Date: November 7th, 2012
written by: Scott Ottersen
The Dunphy’s are woken up in the middle of the night to learn that Haley has been arrested for underage drinking. Subsequently, this means making phone calls to everyone else in the family to have Mitch drive to the school with them in case they need a lawyer (too bad he’s not a criminal attorney) and to ask Jay if he still has the judge in his pocket. I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t need the lawyer, or the judge, when all you’re going to do is bail her out. Hell, nowadays, I’m sure you don’t even need to drive to the police station, you can probably bail people out over the phone with how technology-based everything is these days…and, I wouldn’t know this for sure since I haven’t been arrested anytime recently.
“It was only a matter of time.” Man, Lily has been crushing her one-liners this season. I know I laughed more at Cam’s response than at Lily’s initial comment, but still, coming from Lily, this is the best it can get! Maybe I should take back my earlier statement about how I wish they would go back to her being a baby that didn’t have any lines.
“It’s feau-kin disgusting.” HILARIOUS! They did something like this earlier in the season, with Jay, when describing Cam’s cooking, and even knowing that, it didn’t hinder me laughing my ass off at this comment.
I have to believe that Claire and Phil are modeled after my wife and I. My wife is the classic overreactor, whereas I’m fairly certain someone could shoot me and I’d still be calm as a cucumber. Seriously, I googled “calm as a” and this was the best I got?!? Come on, google, if I’m relying on you to supply me my funny lines in my recaps, I’m going to need better than cucumber!
DeDe is back, and Jay is worried she’s back for Round 4 with Gloria once she sees that Gloria is pregnant. But, all she’s really back for is to tell Jay about her telescoping uterus. Exactly what all ex-husbands want to hear from their ex-wives. We love uterus talk.
Haley was actually arrested for resisting arrest and assaulting a police officer, and the entire scene was caught on video. But, all I would care about if I was Phil, and this was my real-life daughter was why half her bra was showing outside of her shirt! Good Lord, my daughter better never dress like that at the age of 18. I know that’s the way society is going with how girls dress and all, but not my daughter!! Catch up with me in 16 years and see if I’ve lived up to my big talk about holding back my daughter from doing all this stuff. I guarantee I won’t be.
“I think my uterus just fixed itself.” Another HILARIOUS line! DeDe is thrilled that Jay is having another baby, because she thinks it’s going to ruin his life, and that Gloria will no longer just be a trophy wife for him, but instead another nagging wife that never quits nagging her husband for the stupidest little things.
“To get that man a waffle.” I can attest that when a man is hungry, he doesn’t think straight. He’s a different person. And, God help you if you’re the person standing in the way of him getting that waffle he wants, because you’re going to feel his wrath! I believe that I’m at my worst when I’m hungry and people are getting in the way of me eating. I’m a nice person, mostly patient with people (excluding when driving), but when I’m hungry and have full intention of grabbing something to eat, and you choose that moment to start a conversation with me, you’re going to get it!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA, “JDate” I’m no anti-semite, but for some reason, Jewish jokes slay me! Just the mention of JDate had me hitting the pause button, and leaving it on pause for quite some time! Classic moment that I’ll probably remember for quite some time!
What’s with the Obama cracks this week? And, two of the shows that I heard them on were on the ABC network. Did Obama say something negative about ABC or something? He was on the receiving end of some harsh criticism on Last Man Standing, Jeff Kent took a swipe at him on Survivor, and now Luke was even getting into the Obama cracks, as if we believe that Luke knows/understands anything about what is going on in politics these days! I’m not saying I hated it or anything, just wondering what’s up with that. Anyone know anything I don’t? Is the President of ABC a Romney supporter?
And, I guess the ending means that Haley’s back for good. She gets booted from school and has to leave her makeup table behind to mooch off of her parents, and share a room with Alex once again. I like it this way better. She was never college material, so it will be easier for the storylines to just have her back at home, rather than just on the computer screen, over Skype.
MVP of the Episode
Jay Pritchett. I gotta do it. This man is just on a roll this season. From the back-and-forth with Manny about the spoken word concert, to the comments about guys picking out strollers being gay, and several others. I always thought he was funny, but never a true standout the way the show was probably hoping. But now, he’s IT. Love it.
Line of the Night
“What’s that supposed to mean? You can’t even remember killing your cat.” – Jay Pritchett
And, to this comment! Good Lord, I almost pissed myself.
tvonthedaily episode rating
A-minus
A great episode, but not the greatest. There were a few dull moments intertwined with the standouts, but still the great moments were enough to carry this to an A-minus grade. I think they did better with spanning out the hilarious lines, rather than what they do sometimes where they have all the funny at the beginning or all in one 10-minute span of the episode. So, it was good to get a good laugh in the beginning, two or three in the middle, and another in the end. Well done.
Nielsen Ratings
Ratings are released after 11am est, so check back after then for an update.
**Ratings are in, and Modern Family has regained its Wednesday night title in total viewiers (12.29 Million), as well as 18-49 ratings. Continuing their run to the top, per usual.
————————————————————————-
Episode 6 – “Yard Sale”
Air Date: Halloween, 2012
written by: Scott Ottersen
First off, let me ask a question. If Modern Family knew they were going to air a new episode ON HALLOWEEN, why wouldn’t they air the Halloween episode? Nothing about airing it on October 24th makes any sense to me now! I’m confused, and actually a bit insulted! I think I’m going to need an answer for this. Anyone have one?
Second, doesn’t it feel as if Modern Family is going by too quickly? Most shows have had four or five (some less) new episodes up until this point, yet Modern Family is on episode 6 already. I know they showed two in one night, but they also took a week off, as well. I’m guessing we’re going to get a 3-week hiatus at some point in the near future. Maybe around Thanksgiving and/or Christmas. Just a guess, but there is no way they can keep up this pace and still end the show in May, unless they are going to do 35 episodes this season instead of 23 or 24 or however many they are scheduled to do.
Anyway, this episode is wrapped around a Yard Sale that Jay and Gloria are having at their house to benefit Manny and Luke’s class, hoping to win them a pizza party…and to raise money for UNICEF.
“Ill, he wrote ‘My body is a Wonderland.'” First laugh of the night! And, it was a good one. “Even John Mayer doesn’t have a John Mayer poster…” Good stuff. And, this brings up another point, are they phasing Hayley out of the show? I don’t know if she was the one cast member who got screwed out of the new deals or what, but if she chose to leave this show on her own to do whatever crap project she wanted to work on, then that’s on her and her career will pay the price for it! They could have easily just had her go to community college and stayed at home. I actually find the computer scenes a little annoying, so I do hope they are phasing her out and we don’t get the Skype sessions anymore. Unless she wants to do them in the buff.
Jay is having himself quite the season! First, he killed it at the parenting class and now with the yard sale. Just about every scene he was in that had to do with him dealing with a customer was priceless. I think I hit the pause button four or five times because of Jay, tonight, to just get my laughs out so I could hear the next line!! Great stuff from Jay.
Phil shows interest in buying Jay’s Harley Davidson motorcycle, even though he’s deathly afraid of them. I’m deathly afraid of sharks, but I’m not going to go swimming with them because “…sometimes you have to do things to show the world you’re still a man.” No, no, I’d rather show the world that I’m alive than that I’m a man. Besides, a “man” is subjective. Ask any woman in this world who a real man is and you’ll find that, for once, they don’t have an answer for you!!
Claire thinks that Alex’s new boyfriend is gay, so she recruits Cam and Mitchell to use their Jim Halpert gaydar devices to figure it out. They tell Claire that these days, guys are different (which is true). They’re into their clothes, they act a little feminine, and they’re not all trying to be butch, macho jocks anymore. But, when Michael approaches the trio, he offers up one word and they “know” he’s queer as can be. Alex is dating a homosexual. She doesn’t think he’s gay because she grabbed his smooth boobie, but we’re all aware of his gayness. To quote the greatest show of all time, “Not that there’s anything wrong with that.” Name the show. Easy one.
“FINALLY!!” Luke kills me. I think he’s on his way to becoming the hit of the show at some point. He doesn’t always deliver the funniest lines, but when he does, he nails them. And, for a child actor, that’s rare. I loved him offering up his cut-off head theory because “One day, I’ll be right” and then getting to exult his “FINALLY!” Loved every bit of it. And, I’m looking forward to seeing what the actor can bring as this show grows older. And, I hope one day he can have his own sitcom, because I think he can grow into his sense of humor and become a lead actor. I’ve been wrong many times before, and probably will be here, but I’m willing to take a flier on him.
“You return, I call the police.” Like I said, laughing out loud! His delivery is bringing me back to the Al Bundy days of yesteryear! They don’t make comedies like they used to, but Jay Pritchett is delivering the goods week in and week out! I love having him back on television. If you never watched Married with Children, you should go and check it out. The show wasn’t the funniest around, but Al Bundy on his own has to be one of the greatest comedic characters of all time. Just as I believe we will think about Jay Pritchett one day, too.
Nothing else truly stuck out for me with this episode. Phil coming back to the house with one pant leg cut off got a decent chuckle out of me, but nothing else was all too funny. The scene when Manny took out the dummy, and Michael was playing the keyboard-like instrument got a good laugh out of me, but other than that, it ended with a bit of a whimper. They always try to add cute, family moments into each episode, and I’d rather them just stick to the funny. Those cute moments are good television, but I watch this show for the laughs. I want to laugh for 30 minutes, not laugh for 17 and feel a warm heart for 10 or so! Let’s get back to basics, here.
MVP of the Episode
Jay Pritchett. How could it be anybody else? He’s just about the only reason I laughed this episode, so there was no real other choice here.
Line(s) of the Night
“Can you break a $50?” “Get out.” – Customer & Jay Pritchett
Seriously, that entire exchange is the Line of the Night. You’re wearing a $10,000 watch and you’re haggling over 15 cents. You live in a house like this and…you get the point. But, when he delivered the “Get out” line, I just about lost it!! Those two words made the entire show for me. No matter what happened after that line, I loved this episode! That simple.
tvonthedaily episode rating
A-minus
Yes, because of that exchange. And, for the beginning of the episode with the John Mayer poster. Other than those moments, the show was a B-minus at best. But, when you’re a half-hour show, you can use two scenes to carry you to an A-minus rating. An hour, not so much.
Nielsen Ratings
Ratings are released after 11am est, so check back after that time for an update.
**Ratings are in, and they’re actually down. Quite a bit, too. All the way to 10.62 Million viewers. I’m guessing a lot of people assumed it wasn’t new this week since the Halloween episode aired LAST WEEK! It lost to Criminal Minds and even CSI, but easily won the 18-49 ratings for the night.
———————————————————————–
Episode 5 – “Open House of Horrors”
Air Date: October 24th, 2012
written by: Scott Ottersen
The Halloween episodes are typically some of my favorite episodes of Modern Family, so I was expecting a lot out of this episode. There are just so many things you can do with a Halloween themed episode, therefore I assume with the quality writing team they have on staff, these would always be the funniest episodes of the season. They fell short last season, so let’s see what we think of this season…
The show opens with us learning that the Dunphy’s were petitioned against in regards to decorating their house, and keeping the decorations more tame this year after last years disaster. Last year was highlighted with Claire pulling a “Aliens” style attack with her bloody hands coming out of her stomach and blood dripping from her mouth as kids were horrified at her door and the father ended up having a heart attack.
That scene got several laughs out loud out of me, so with it being the opening of the show, I was on high alert for laughs.
“Are we poor?” Ok, now I’m cracking up! I never have liked Lily before, but I may have to change my mind if she can keep spitting out lines like that one, with such conviction and believability. That has been my main issue with her, is that I just don’t believe her. I know it’s not so easy for kids to act since they don’t always understand the emotions they’re acting out, but I happen to think this actress that plays Lily is T-E-R-R-I-B-L-E!! But, I must say, the “Are we poor” line had me dying!!
“Sir, nobody’s seen all seven.” This would have been my line of the night, but a later line passed it by. Apparently, Jay used to be able to charm himself out of speeding tickets by flashing the baby blues and dropping lines on female cops, like (I’m paraphrasing here) “You don’t need the sirens, you could stop traffic just by getting out of the car.” I am willing to bet that there is not actually one man in this world who has ever gotten out of a ticket when pulled over by a female officer. No offense to any female cops that are reading, but you need to loosen up a little. And, I don’t mean loosen up the top buttons (although, that wouldn’t hurt), I just mean to take it easy. I mean that, especially, to the female police officer who pulled me over in her Ford Mustang, when I was doing 90 on the highway. Look, I was only doing 90 because you sped up right behind me, doing 90 yourself, so I had to punch it, right? Also, I was late to school, and I was handing in my final exam paper. Cut me some slack, lady, don’t tell me that “I don’t give a fuck where you were heading, you were doing 90!”
The next few scenes didn’t do much for me. Claire trying to scare Phil, but Phil paying no attention to her. Cam and Mitchell’s party, where Gloria got described as an “Illegal Alien,” while Cam got a slight chuckle with his “Nice try, I will be back for that answer.” Nothing just rang in for me. This is what is called a lull in the show. They had me laughing hard early on, but now I’m just slightly chuckling at a line or a facial expression here and there.
They brought me back with the ending scene, with Phil at the open house, ready to close up and head home since he can’t find Claire in the house. Before he does, the lights go out and the tv turns on. Phil is starting to get frazzled, turns the tv off, but then the phone rings. It’s Claire. “So this call isn’t coming from inside the house.” Love it. Nice shout out to a few slasher movies!!
He heads upstairs, which I have to say if I’m in a house where the power goes out, the tv goes on, and so on, I’m just going to leave. Plus, I still half believe it’s my wife trying to scare me from inside the house, so I’m just going to one-up the wife and up and leave. Stand outside for ten minutes or so and see if anyone walks out disappointed they didn’t get the scare. Sure, I’ll be up in a tree or something because I’m still scared, but at least I can jump out at them, scare the piss out of them, and tell them I knew it all along!!
Anyway, Phil gets scared when Alex grabs his leg from under the bed, Luke bursts out of the closet with a pitchfork, and Claire jumps out from under the covers and grabs him around the neck. Pretty good, but the hand grabbing my foot would have been enough for me! I probably would have passed out. Not really all that funny, but still a good scene.
And, Gloria nailing Manny (“the slow one”) with an egg was a funny ending, as well.
All in all, funny at the beginning, but lost me in the middle. They tried bringing me back at the end, but just lost me too much to truly get me there. I think I was just expecting too much. Oh well.
MVP of the Episode
Claire Dunphy. Just based on the opening scene alone. That got me to laugh the hardest, so I have to give it to her. I have to say that I want to thank myself for starting a website where I can blog about this show, because it’s truly gotten me to SEE Claire Dunphy. I think she is a brilliant character. I never thought she was the funniest on the show before, but now I can see why she’s funny and why she’s such a great addition to the show and that it wouldn’t be the same without her. Thank you, me.
Line of the Night
“Ah, you find that funny, Lemon.” – Gloria
Fudge me, if I didn’t almost pee my pants on this one!! It’s always the subtle ones that get me, and this was just overly subtle enough to crack me the hell up!! I have always thought Gloria was the least funniest character on the show, but this episode she had me laughing a little more than I’d ever thought she could get out of me!! But, this line was truly it for me. Just hilarious.
tvonethedaily episode rating
B
I was thinking B+ before I got to this section, but had to drop it to a B just because of how long of a period of time I was strung along with no real big laughs. I grade this show based on how funny it is and how often I laugh. Just because I give it a B doesn’t mean it was a bad episode, just that it wasn’t funny enough for my liking. I expect to laugh when I watch Modern Family. I don’t watch to be touched.
Nielsen Ratings
Ratings are released around 11am est, so check back after then for an update.
**Ratings are in, and they are up, at 12.46 Million this week, which easily won the night for Modern Family. No surprise here, the show is a juggernaut and is going to continue to be one as long as they want to. I can see this being the new “Friends,” where it lasts up to 10 years and keeps growing in ratings up until the end. No reason that this show can’t one day be the highest rated show on television.
————————————————————————-
Episode 4 – “The Butler’s Escape”
Air Date: October 17th, 2012
written by: Scott Ottersen
Eh, this was one of those episodes I wish I didn’t have to recap. I think this was the weakest episode of the season so far, and brings me back to last season’s disappointing run. After such a great start to the season, I’m hoping this episode was just a mirage and they get back on the right track.
A loud noise wakes up Phil and the rest of the Dunphy family, only to realize that Luke’s magician trunk is on fire. Yes, Luke is becoming a magician, just like his proud papa, Phil. And, they aren’t the only family having trouble sleeping, because Jay, Manny, and the dog can’t sleep due to Gloria’s snoring (seriously, a house that big and you don’t have a few guest rooms on the first floor). And, Mitch and Lily can’t sleep because Cam is up late, practicing his singing for his new gig at the school, teaching music.
Manny brings up the snoring issue to Gloria just as Jay was about to, but after her reaction to Manny, he decided to leave him hanging (“If this is a glimpse of teenage Manny, I don’t love it.”). I typically don’t find Manny funny, but the look on his face when he was shaking Jay’s hand too hard was priceless. Got a good chuckle out of me, for sure.
Luke tells Claire he wants to quit magic, fights with his parents about how the choice seems not to be his, and disappears in a cloud of smoke, proving Phil’s point that he’s a natural and that he should continue in his quest.
Again, Claire’s eyes are just perfection at work while she’s on the couch and Phil is talking about whatever he’s into that day. I’ve never been more convinced that someone’s eyes won them an acting award. My guess is that her agent sent in tapes of scenes from her on the couch, giving subtle looks into, and away from the camera. In an episode not filled with laughs, this was pretty much what I had to enjoy!
Luke performs The Butler’s Escape (hence the title) just so he can quit the magic game. Phil is shellshocked that he completed the trick in such a quick manner, and you can tell in his eyes he isn’t going to let Luke quit that easily. He has a dream, and that dream is to have his son grow up and become a professional magician. It’s the magic men that get all the chicks. David Blaine is swimming in the pussy.
Another scene I got a few laughs out of was the one with Cam crying about his day as Claire tries to sneak out of the house, obviously being the one who cooked the meal, and probably even installed the dimmer switch. You could tell she wasn’t going to let Mitch get away with taking all the credit for what was done during the day, but Cam understanding Mitch’s ordeal, and what he had to go through by spending the entire day with her was pretty funny. And, Claire asking the “ladies” for a thank you was chuckle-worthy, as well.
“Because I didn’t want to get yelled at.”
Hahahaha, so true. I would say that 85% of the stuff that us married men do (and don’t do, for that matter) are for this reason above. How weird is it that we are taught that getting married is the most beautiful thing in this world, yet all of us men are scared of our wives and what they are going to say to us? You know how they say that kids are always most worried about hearing they disappointed their parents, well all I can say is multiply that by 3,000 and that is what married men feel when they worry about what their wife is going to think of the things we’ve done and/or said. It’s quite sad. I love my wife, but I have no issue admitting that I’m a little afraid of saying/doing things around her because of the above reason. A shame, really.
Phil and Luke have a father-son chat, where we learn that Luke wants to quit, most likely because he’s getting picked on by kids at school. Fair enough. As a father, myself, I never want to have to hear that my child is being bullied, so I surely would never want to hear that something I am making them do is the reason they are being picked on. Phil tells Luke he is free to do whatever it is he wants to do, and that is the way it should be. As parents, we are there for support. And to teach. And to play chaffeur. And to cook. And to clean. And to pay for damage they’ve done to the neighbors car. And to pick up after the pet they swore they’d take care of. And to be sworn at. And you get the picture.
MVP of the Episode
Luke Dunphy. There was no clear winner here, so I just went with Luke. The main storyline revolved around him, so why not, right? He did provide a chuckle-worthy moment or two, so that’ll do for this episode. Just a blah episode, really.
Line of the Night
“…used to work here, but he got fired, ok?” – Cam
Again, no clear winner here. I had a tough time picking one out from a show that typically has 4 or 5 choices for Line of the Night. This was the best delivered line of the episode, so I’m awarding it because of that, even if I didn’t laugh all that hard at it. The biggest laugh I got was from Luke disappearing in smoke, but that wasn’t a line…
tvonthedaily episode rating
B-minus
It came super close to earning a dreaded C rating. There were just enough laughs, and a few touching moments throughout to save it from that rating. But, let’s not press your luck. It can happen.
Nielsen Ratings
Ratings aren’t released until after 11am est, so check back after then for an update.
**Ratings are in, and they are staying steady (12.14 Million), continuing to win the night in total viewers and 18-49 demographic. I suspect these numbers to stay fairly even throughout the season. It doesn’t seem likely that a show this far into its run would gain many more viewers.
—————————————————————————————————————————————————
Episode 3 – “Snip”
Air Date: October 10th, 2012
written by: Scott Ottersen
What a perfect title for this episode? If you don’t read the blogs for other shows, you probably won’t have seen the affinity I have for episode titles, but just know that they share a special piece of my heart. And, this title was just plain out perfect for this episode. Loved it. Extremely clever, yet completely obvious.
Phil’s getting a vasectomy. It’s part of his and Claire’s five year plan, in which they wish to live their life like the Ross’s do. The Ross’s can’t have kids and the Dunphy’s are 100% jealous of that, because it means they get to travel and do all the things that married people with kids wish they could have done. I remember when my wife and I were searching for homes, and our realtor actually told us we should wait to have kids. I’m not even sure how it came up (we really liked her, though, and talked with her a lot), but I just wish we would have listened! I love my daughter, but good Lord is she a responsibility and a half!! Anyway, the five years is the benchmark they have set, because they want to live that life five years from now, once Luke goes off to college.
“Or somewhere.”
“You keep a packed suitcase.” As a married man, I know what kind of ramifications would come from this revelation, so I don’t buy that this actually happened and their relationship lived on! I can’t imagine what my wife would do to me if we had a little fight, I went into the closet, picked up a suitcase and walked out on her! Sure it’s funny for TV purposes, but real life – no dice!
Jay and Gloria get into a marital dispute about wanting to know the sex of the baby. I say always knowing is the best, but I know some people like surprises. I just prefer my girl wear pink and other light colors, rather than have him/her in green for the first few weeks while you try and find time to go out and shop with a newborn! Anyway, after the doctor visit is over, Gloria has trouble fitting into her clothes and Jay tells her that it’s probably time for her to visit a maternity store. No, Jay, let’s get her into more outfits like the one to your left! Let’s have a beach episode after the baby is born, ok? Thank you. And thank you. And thank you again.
Cam is offered a job at some male boutique, working for Longinus (perfect name for a black male porn star, if you ask me), but “Jeoux” (there it is) ruins the plot Mitch had set up so well, seeing as how he believed that Cam needed to find a job and get out of the house more, now that Lily was in kindergarten and he didn’t have anything to fill his days with.
Phil and Jay are at the doctor’s office when Phil seems to be getting some cold feet. Does anyone blame him? As a man, myself, I can’t even imagine how much strength it takes to say yes to a vasectomy in the first place, let alone how much it takes to walk into the doctor’s office, followed by the strength it would take to tell your legs to stand up and walk you to the room where your nuts are about to be sliced open and, basically, cut to the floor!! They see a man saunter past their seats, in obvious pain below the waist, and you can see the doubt in Phil’s eyes. As Jay is talking to the secretary, Phil runs out of the office and Jay, politely, informs the secretary that a recovery room would do wonders for their business. Nicely put.
“You don’t get to talk, Morticia.” I have to say, up until now, the funny hasn’t really been there this episode and I’m kind of glad this was episode 3 and not episode 2, because I may not have laughed as much as I did at the previous episode if I watched it after this one. But, I did get a little chuckle out of Claire calling Alex’s friend Morticia.
In my previous blog, I talked about the subtlety of the humor in this show, and the subtle ways in which Cam (and Claire) used their eyes and facial expressions to win themselves Emmy’s, and that was evident in this episode, with Cam. The look he gave the drapes when he noticed that his shirt practically matched the pattern on them was priceless. Nothing else in that scene was funny, but I was still laughing the entire way through just from that tiny gesture of him sticking his hand up to the drapes.
Jay catches up to Phil, who is running down the street (who would still be running at that point), but gets him to sit down on a bench that actually has an advertisement for his realty business. Jay tells Phil that he is scared shitless of having a girl (aren’t all men), but Phil calms him down by helping him realize that dealing with little girls is exactly like dealing with Phil.
“Not A Real Man.” Like I will continue to say about this show (and I’m sure you’ll get sick of hearing), it is the little things that get you. They don’t tell big jokes, or have too many hilarious one-liners, but the subtle humor in the little things they offer up make this the funniest show on television. And, if they stay on the air for a few more years and offer the same amount of funny to us, it will go down with the likes of Seinfeld and The Drew Carey Show (still the most underrated comedy of my generation) and a few other elite comedy series I can’t think of since it’s 12:30 in the morning right now!!
The episode ends with Claire realizing how wonderful her life is with her children and goes and gets Phil before he has the procedure done. Maybe in another five years. I can relate to the way she felt here. As much hardship as our kids put us through, we can’t imagine our lives without them in it. They are our lives and we wouldn’t have it any other way.
MVP of the Episode
Phil Dunphy. This episode was tough. I didn’t really like the episode all too much. I don’t think it was all that funny. I don’t think anyone stood out from the crowd, so when in doubt, go with the person who made you laugh the hardest or made you feel the most throughout the episode. And, that was Phil. I don’t ever want to get “snipped,” so I have to give him the MVP just for even considering it.
Line of the Night
“Seriously, chop chop?” – Phil Dunphy
The man just wanted to enjoy his ice cream and have his wife take him to the doctor. But, instead, his wife bails on him and he gets to be embarrassed by his father-in-law taking him to have his testicles opened up!
tvonthedaily episode rating
B-minus
I am thinking a B-minus is just about as low as I can rate an episode of Modern Family and we’re already there in episode 3. The first two episodes were great, so I’m thinking this was just an anomaly, and we’ll be back to our normal hilariousness next week!! I actually think the addition of Jay and Gloria’s baby is going to knock this show down a notch or two, but it happens to all the great shows at some point, right? I just hope I’m proven wrong.
Nielsen Ratings
Ratings aren’t released until 11am est next day, so check back then for an update.
**12.23 Million, which won the time slot (beating out Criminal Minds, 11.35 Million) and the night. Solid ratings, but I was a little upset that this show had more viewers than the first one! The first one was so much better.
————————————————————————-
Episode 2 – “Schooled”
Air Date: October 10th, 2012
written by: Scott Ottersen
Since there was no episode aired last week, The Alphabet (ABC) is making up for it this week with a full hour of Modern Family. When I found this out, I was giddier than a virgin boy the moment before he slipped it in for the first time.
The show begins by Phil announcing that Haley is heading off to college the next day.
“Not now Weezy.”
We also learn that Lily is starting kindergarten, and that Jay and Gloria are going to take a Parenting class at Manny’s request. I’m sure that will go smoothly.
As Phil is going through Haley’s third bag of cosmetics, he finds the world’s biggest, most noticeable pack of condoms. Seriously, they sell boxes of condoms that big? That is one confident man to know he’s going to bang that many chicks before the expiration date reaches. But, hell, what man looks at the expiration date, right? Anyway, Phil learns that Claire is the one who bought Haley the condoms, and that the box of 24 wouldn’t have lasted all too long back when she was in college, and dating her ex.
And, this leads me into a sidebar. I have a daughter. She is 2 years old. The biggest reason I never wanted a daughter is because of the sex issue. I don’t know how I’m going to handle it. I know the things I did as a teenager. I know the things I do now with my wife, and I don’t want to EVER think that my daughter is going to do those things. With a boy. I don’t know how I’m going to do it. So, if this website is still around when my daughter is old enough to read it, I want you to know, sweetheart, that the speech I’m going to give at your wedding is NOT going to the go the way you dreamt it would. Just a warning. It will be better than the speech that best man gave about abortion, but still not what you wanted.
Let me just say that Claire’s eye contact with the camera while Phil read from his Phil’s-osophy book is the reason she won an Emmy for her work on this show. I never think that she is all that funny within this cast, but it’s reasons like that in which win her awards. This show is just too damn funny that someone from the cast has to win an award (male and female), and she’s the only female deserving enough. In my mind.
And, just like with Claire, I will say it for Cam. The look on his face when he dropped Lily’s lunch after seeing that boy pulling her hair is the reason he won an Emmy for his work. The things he might say aren’t always the funniest, but his facial expressions and reactions are spot on hilarious!!
(sarcastic) “Lesbians!” Fucking perfect! I don’t want to use the f-word too much on this site, but I had to for this one!
“Tough room.” The scene with Jay and Gloria in the Parenting class stole the show. Absolutely stole the show. I know it’s only episode 2, but I think this scene stole the season, for me. Everything about it. His jokes not resonating with the crowd, Gloria finishing swaddling the baby in record time once “burrito” was mentioned, slamming the baby down on the table, the high-fives, Lupe the goat babysitter, just everything! Fucking loved it. If I used it for “Lesbians,” I had to use it for this scene too. Had to.
I only wish my parents were like the Dunphy’s. Had my dad worn a Scott Ottersen Moving Co. t-shirt while dropping me off at college the first day, I would have loved it!! We could have teamed up and came up with a cool shirt and tagline and had fun with it. Nobody remembered each other’s parents. Everyone was all amped up about getting away from them for the first time in our lives that we didn’t mind if they got all sappy. I’m not going to lie, my dorm room looked over the parking lot, and I could see my parents car, and I choked up a little as I saw them getting in the car and leaving. But, then I realized where the hell I was and I was fine with that momentary slip in my manhood. Let me also say that my first night on campus was the most misguiding night of my life. In a three hour stretch, I had four different girls walk into my room as I was playing my music. I had a 200-disc change cd player with KILLER speakers under my bed, so I was prepared. As girl after girl came to my room to talk, I was so sure that college was going to be exactly like that. You want to know something. It wasn’t. That night was the LAST time a girl EVER approached me while I was living on campus, at a party, club, whatever. Pretty sad. And, I’m halfway good looking, too!
“You thought I was a P.E. teacher?” “Figured.” The Cam and Pam dynamic was excellent. They were the lesbian version of Mitch and Cam, and I ate it up from the very start! I don’t think they met with the funny I was expecting out of their encounter, but I just dug the dynamic between the two. It was as if it were the Bears-Packers rivalry, and it had been around for decades.
HOLY LORD!!! I had to pause the show, threw my remote halfway across the room, and rolled on the floor holding in my pee laughing at the scene when Phil grabbed Haley’s roommates ass, then the My Little Pony sheets mishap, and ending with Phil knocking the condoms all over the floor and then trying to explain it all with how he’s a respected realtor!! I know I said the parenting class scene stole the season for me, but I think I spoke too soon! Good goodness, this scene just had it all for me. I don’t think it was quite at the level of the Halloween at the Dunphy’s scene, but it was VERY close!! Very.
The show ends with Haley being somewhat of a loner at school (girls who looked like that did NOT eat alone at my college), read her dad’s book, and then called her parents to let them know she’s need more condoms soon! And, to make it all the more cute, she was wearing her dad’s Haley Dunphy Moving Co. t-shirt.
And, the final scene was somewhat lackluster. I’m fairly certain they could have come up with funnier Phil’s-osophy’s. Although, if they are going to sell that book, I’m buying it!!
MVP of the Episode
Jay Pritchett. His only lines could have been what he had at the parenting class and he would have won this award. Phil came in a very close second with the grab ass game, but his Phil’s-osophies were lacking punch, so he didn’t stand a chance.
Line of the Night
“I think they made a mistake at the hospital.” – Jay Pritchett
And now you know why he won the MVP. I think the show was on pause for about 3 minutes while I calmed myself down after this line! I can’t even explain to you how funny that line was to me. I could try, but I wouldn’t do it justice. I am certain I almost woke up my daughter, and she sleeps like a damn rock.
tvonthedaily episode rating
A
I would have given it an A+ if Phil’s-osophy had been funnier. I think an A+ rating has to mean the show is perfect. This show was as close as it gets with all the one-liners and zingers they threw at us. I think this was the best episode of Modern Family I have seen in a very long time. Last season was very underwhelming, so I’m glad to see they’re back at it with the funny again!
Nielsen Ratings
Ratings aren’t released until 11am est next day, so check back then for an update.
**Ratings are in: 12.03 Million, which won the time slot (beating out Criminal Minds: 11.35 Million), but not the night. The only show to beat it out was, of course, the second showing of Modern Family! Congratulations to ABC for the win.
————————————————————————-
Episode 1 – “Bringing Up Baby”
Air Date: September 26th, 2012
written by: Scott Ottersen
I know it’s tougher to recap a comedy series, only because jokes are never as funny when seen on paper the second time around, but this show is just so perfect of a comedy series that I couldn’t help myself. Just like with Community, it’s just too great of a show to pass up having the opportunity to write about each week. I just hope I can get all of you readers to share your thoughts and favorite moments in the comments, because I love talking about comedies almost more than I do drama series’.
The show opens with Manny and Gloria wishing Jay a Happy Birthday. Jay tells them that he wants a quiet day with no surprises. But, we all know from the way the season ended last season that Gloria has one big surprise for him (well, two, if you count the BBQ apron with the bikini body on it). That surprise is that he’s going to be a father at the ripe age of 65.
Jay and Gloria are in the midst of a conversation about how babies are a lot of work and how Mitch and Cam dodged a bullet by not having to “start over” with another baby, as the doorbell rings. Jay answers it to find Phil, Shorty, and Miles standing in the doorway. Phil gets Jay to turn around and as he does he throws a hood over his face, and tells us that Jay has been quite clear about what he wants for his birthday, but he knows how to read between the lines, meaning he wants nothing more than to be kidnapped, slapped in the trunk (“You said there were no bad ideas.”), and taken away for the day.
“Because he’s old, I love it.” The subtly of the humor on this show is just plain out perfect. I think throughout reading my recaps you are going to see how much I adore the humor on this show. Phil, Jay and Luke are the best with their subtle humor, Mitchell and Cam have the over-the-top, slapstick humor portion, and the rest of the cast are just great secondary comedy actors.
We head into Mitch and Cam’s living room, where they small talk about their coffee until Mitch breaks it up by saying they need to talk about the elephant in the room, as well as the 800 pound gorilla. And, he literally meant the elephant and gorilla in the room, because they have huge stuffed animals that were given to them by their gay friends, who are still new to the whole gay guys having babies thing. Lily, who I wish would go back to not speaking much, comes in and tells her daddies that she wants a kitten named Larry since she can’t have a brother.
“Although, he still does call the remote, the clicker.” Manny has his moments, like right before he let this one fly, he talked about having a tough decision with poetry camp this summer, seeing as how he didn’t know if he should follow his talent for sonnets or go over to free verse, because he believed the fly honey’s at poetry camp might be a little more “freer” since they’re into free verse poetry!
Phil and Shorty are leading Jay to the boat as Shorty tells Phil he should grow a beard in the style of a Jon Hamm in between projects. Jay can’t take anymore of those two idiots talking, so he decides he’s done, but doesn’t know he’s on a pier, so he ends up falling into the water while he’s tied up and has a hood over his head. Shorty won’t go after him since his pants are cashmere, so Phil jumps in and listens to Shorty’s idea to calm him down by punching him in the head!
“You’re making me do this.”
Haley tries to talk her mom (Claire) into allowing Dylan to move in with them as Claire makes her drink some nasty concoction for her hangover. Her selling point is that Dylan is handy, while Alex (who is getting prettier and prettier as the years go on, I must say) jumps in the conversation, pointing out that Dylan is the idiot who locked himself inside his own car.
Back in the boat, Shorty expresses his anger towards Phil not having a beard while Miles tries to tell Jay how great his life is going to be since he’s going to just golf and have a pet falcon to spend his days with. Shorty chimes in that he can start growing his own squash, beans, and between the two of them, pickling his own cucumbers!
“Well, it looks like vomit, so I’m not Poutine-g it in my mouth.” Classic Jay/Al Bundy.
“Sometimes I just, like, toss a grenade and run away.” Luke really sells it. I still think he needs to get all of the lines that Manny gets. Luke is much more hilarious and valuable to the show than Manny, so I’d like to see them have some more Luke-centric episodes this season, as well as allowing him more than 2-3 lines in episodes that he’s just a background character.
“Really, because I thought the process was I said we’ll take this one and you say thank God because we have too many cats.” I could do this all day and just post quotes from these episodes. I do have to say that when you put the lines on paper and read them afterwards, they seem to be even funnier than when they are said, in context, during the episode. But, Mitchell and Cam are truly hilarious. Cam is probably my favorite on the show, rotating in and out of the 1st spot with Phil. I just can’t stop gushing about this cast, because they are all just perfect together. Except Lily.
And, ending it with Cam talking about how they’d be affectionate towards the cat 24/7, satisfying all of its needs while the gorillia buttplugged the elephant on the top of the dancing car was just eloquently done. Kudos, Modern Family. I tip my hat to you.
Dylan tries to guilt Claire into allowing him to move in with some story about how he’s going to live in a garage with no walls while he pisses into a coffee can. I have a daughter of my own now, and I can tell any of her future boyfriends that you are NOT moving into my house. I will build you some walls for that garage and buy you and economy sized coffee can so you can take dumps in it, as well. Don’t even bother asking. For your own benefit.
Gloria blurts out that she’s pregnant and tells Jay she’ll do it alone, but Jay shocks everyone in the room by responding with such love and adoration for his wife, telling her that he spent the day hearing about how he’s going to garden beets with Dwight Schrute and pickle cucumbers with his pet squirrel, and how he felt like his life was ending, but now he wants to cry because he gets a new start with the woman of his dreams (I’d have to say Gloria is more than just the woman of your dreams, Jay).
And, yes, Phil, anyone CAN do it with Gloria. Don’t hate on your grandpa’s penis, Luke! Not when it’s getting that action.
The fast-forward scene with Phil and his Jon Hamm-esque beard was hilarious! He even followed it up by expressing to Claire how he now understands why pregnant women glow, even though his own wife has had three children. As well as the gem, “Lucky baby,” in response to Manny’s poem in how the baby can be nestled in the bosom of its mother!
We also learn that Mitch and Cam went to London and also got Larry, Dylan moved in with the Dunphy’s, but Claire wants him gone along with Phil’s beard.
The end scene was decent, with Dylan trying to guilt his way back into the house as Claire is kicking him out. Before he gets thrown out, he asks to borrow a coat hanger in case he gets locked in his car, again, since that is where he’ll be living. And, then Phil comes downstairs in his Fu Manchu, asking Claire to come dance with the devil before he gets rid of it. The look on his face epitomizes why I love this show so much. Not only are the lines funny, but they sell every moment with their expressions. Priceless.
MVP of the Episode
Phil Dunphy. It was a close race between him and Shorty, but I had to give the edge to Phil. I think it was because he supplied the first crack-up moment of the season with his line, “Because he’s old, I love it.” I really wanted to give it Shorty, and it will probably eat at me for a while because I know Shorty won’t have any other opportunities to steal an MVP this season, but I had to give it to my guy Phil. Enjoy it, Phil. Wear the mustache and beard with pride.
Line of the Night
“The more I look at you, the angrier I get that you don’t have a beard.” – Shorty
If he couldn’t get MVP, he had to get line of the night. I think this was more funny just because of the way he delivered more than the actual line. I just love it that they dragged the beard conversation on deeper into the show. This line just got me, and I’m sure most people might like the grenade line from Luke, but I have to give it to Shorty on this occasion.
tvonthedaily episode rating
A-minus
Even with how funny this episode was, and all the quotable moments throughout, I still don’t think this was up to par with some of the best episodes in the history of the show. I’m still looking for another Halloween episode like the one in Season 2 that just floored me. There is one line from that episode that had me peeing in my pants (almost). Can anyone guess which line it is? And, yes, I dropped a hint there.
Nielsen Ratings
14.44 Million viewers, easily winning the night. The only show close was Criminal Minds (with 11.73 Million). This show is obviously a juggernaut and will be around for as long as they want it to be.
tvonthedaily 
